A Different Way of Looking, with Marcel Proust and Alain de Botton

What I know of Marcel Proust: nada. What I know of Alain de Botton: quite a lot, although not personally, but enough for me to dive deep into one of his books, How Proust Can Change Your Life (Shop your local indie bookstore).

One of the things that I’ve truly been enamored with Proust/de Botton’s compendium is a new way of looking: of a character in one of Proust’s essays where he forces a dissatisfied youth to take in Jean-Baptiste Chardin’s paintings of mundane things, not-so-special moments: of bowls of fruit, loaves of bread, kitchen utensils, one reading a book, a mother showing her daughter some mistakes in needlework as opposed to paintings in the Louvre’s “grand palaces painted by Veronese, harbor scenes by Claude, and princely lives by Van Dyck.” That there is beauty in a lot of things that is already around us, and that we are just plainly inattentive to these details. de Botton points out this lack of capacity of seeing beauty is not due to laziness or inattention, but more so because we are inexperienced with looking. 

The happiness that may emerge from taking a second look is central to Proust’s therapeutic conception. It reveals the extent to which our dissatisfactions may be the result of failing to look properly at our lives rather than the result of anything inherently deficient about them. Appreciating the beauty of crusty loaves does not preclude our interest in a chateau, but failing to do so must call into question our overall capacity for appreciation.

 Most days I feel like I could be anywhere but where I’m at, in the Presidio Heights of San Francisco where I have been working for the past 9 years. I want to be anywhere but there. Or here, on the kitchen table where I usually have my morning coffee and write away. There’s a plethora of places I dream of — in the countryside of France, Bali, Bergen, Copenhagen, Reykjavik. I realize that it’s not the physicality of these places that lure me (although that helps a lot) but the actual ideas I have of these places that make me want to visit. Not to mention the dominant culture I perceive these places to have that make them so alluring: creative, gentle, unassuming, simple, seemingly devoid of capitalistic tendencies.

Understanding my desires in this sense, of looking at my own life with Proustian eyes, makes me feel like I’ve captured the essence of the book. That the places I want to see, including the things I want to do involve a way of looking at things differently, perhaps more slowly, with more attention to detail and the small moments that make up my existence. True to its word, de Botton delivers a Proustian way of looking at things with other chapters in the book as:

  • How to love life today
  • How to read for yourself
  • How to take your time
  • How to suffer successfully
  • How to express your emotions
  • How to be a good friend
  • How to open your eyes
  • How to be happy in love
  • How to put books down

With the premise of Proust’s novel In Search of Lost Time that I’ve just learned about through this book, de Botton cites Proust’s life and work in a fascinating how-to of life brimming with wit and common-sense attitude when it comes to living. Proust resonates, even as he is bedridden. And just as he is sickly and domestically helpless, his helplessness is all the more endearing knowing that his work will touch and inspire the lives of many in the future.

My copy of Proust’s In Search of Lost Time (the graphic novel edition nonetheless) is on its way, and I am eager to get to know the characters of Swann and Albertine that de Botton referenced multiple times throughout the book which is a “universally applicable story about how to stop wasting time and start to appreciate life.” It is fitting then, to hear these words from Proust, to commit them to memory:

I think that life would suddenly seem wonderful to us if we were threatened to die as you say. Just think of how many projects, travels, love affairs, studies, it — our life — hides from us, made invisible by out laziness which, certain of a future, delays them incessantly.

But let all of this threaten to become impossible for ever, how beautiful it would become again! […] we shouldn’t have needed the cataclysm to love life today. It would have been enough to think that we are humans, and that death may come this evening.


22 thoughts on “A Different Way of Looking, with Marcel Proust and Alain de Botton

    1. Thank you so much for reading, and I’ll definitely look into your blog. I’m also curious to know what kinds of feelings you had upon reading this post, let me know when you get a chance 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have spent a great deal of time thinking about this very idea. It’s basically the same awareness you get in Buddhism, but I would say Buddhism takes it a step further to the metaphysical realm. If anything, it’s more difficult to sustain the “worldy” awareness that allows you to appreciate your life and see all the things in it for what they are, because it’s within societal reality that we tend to become lazy as you put it, caught up in the automation that allows us to function without exhausting ourselves. So there is this inherent oppositional force. Our minds are so powerful but also so complicated. We could choose at any moment to just be happy, but our desires take over and we become ever critical and lacking. I think first and foremost, it is exhausting to “see” over long periods of time. I have bouts of very intense levels of awareness, but afterwards I just want to zone out to rest. I suppose it’s a strength, and like any other it must be trained to increase levels of endurance. That’s the whole point of Buddhism as a practice. Many practitioners forget that all of the rituals aren’t meaningful in and of themselves; they are simply tools to help you build habits and transform your brain to permanently minimize levels of automation and lack of awareness.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Again, thank you so much for your response and for such a meaningful insight. I was just reflecting on awareness last night, specifically how our minds work. I came across a post earlier yesterday that read: “The soul usually knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind.” I resonated with this so much because I’m used to intellectualizing things firsthand, as opposed to just letting things be but still being aware. It is definitely a strength, and something that I think can be developed over time (with a lot of patience I should add). To awareness!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I know exactly what you’re talking about. It’s funny how that works. I just watched an interview that mentioned this phenomena a lot and discussed how to overcome it. If you’re interested, I would say be patient and watch the whole thing; don’t get off put by some of the imprecise spiritual language they use (I’m a scientist). https://evolutionarymystic.wordpress.com/2016/03/06/georgi-y-johnson-and-bart-ten-berge-anxiety-and-awakening-moderated-by-renate-and-iain-mcnay/


  1. I guess we all need to pause and breathe and take a look around. We’re caught up staring at our laptop screens or smartphones and are always stressed out. I’ve read ‘The Architecture of Happiness’ by Alain de Botton and follow his Youtube channel School of Life, could you recommend which book of his I should pick up next? 🙂
    My post on Philosophy of Technology might interest you. I would love your response. https://kanchanjoneja.wordpress.com/2016/02/28/philosophy-of-technology/


    1. Hi, thank you so much for your response! I am so glad that you resonated with my post, and it is true that we’re so used to our gadgets and I’ve been really mindful about screen time ever since I noticed how it has become compulsive. Your comment made me pick up “The Architecture of Happiness” and I’m now halfway through the book. Wow. I have never given architecture any thought when it comes to influencing our emotions but this book has really blown me away. Thanks for the recommendation 🙂 As for a book by de Botton, I would recommend “Essays in Love” and “Status Anxiety” which are really great reads. He also has a novel coming out in June which I’m truly excited to read!

      I’ll definitely check out your post, thank you for sharing. Happy reading and writing!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m so glad to know you like the book! 🙂 (I read it when I’d just started architecture school.) And thanks for the recommendations I’ll surely check them out soon! 🙂 Keep Calm and Write On!

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for your comment! I’m definitely going to check that out, Alain de Botton has made me appreciate philosophy so much. When you have the time, Status Anxiety is also a good read.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.